Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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