Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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