Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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