my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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