Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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