It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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