He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
