yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
