My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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