my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
