i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize