If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
