This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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