i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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