idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
