Can i not drive my cunt home
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
