I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Are we still banned from the library?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
