Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
