My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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