i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
