I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
