Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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