I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
