Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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