just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
