I only kidnapped one of them. chill
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
