he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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