Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize