How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
