Ambien. No doubt about it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
