Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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