my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm just crazy horny about you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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