Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
