I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
