I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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