Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
