So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
