I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
