Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
