It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
