She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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