Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
