Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
