I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
