porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
