wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
