Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
