I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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