you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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