I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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