did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
