I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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