Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
