I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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