Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
