hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize