If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
