then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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