You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
