I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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